10 places I’d rather be this weekend instead of Texas:

1. SoCal

Davis IM’s me in the middle of the night last night because he’s on California time. He told me all about how it’s been hard getting to the training meetings because he’s been surfing all freakin day. The part about how the beaches are blanketed with hot college girls didn’t help any.

2. NYC

Mary El is visiting Abi there this weekend. I’ve never been to NYC when it hasn’t been freezing. There’s always something to do there.

3. ATL

Yeah, I’d rather be at work. So what? Just goes to show how sad Texas makes me. Besides, I would have wanted to throw a big BBQ or something. Maybe go see fireworks. Maybe even read a book. Okay, that’s probably pushing it.

4. On a cruise

I haven’t been on one in like 7 years and that was with my family. I want to go on a cruise with a whole bunch of friends, eat lots of good food, get plastered every night, and cause general ruckus on international waters. Now THAT’S my idea of fun.

5. Space

I’ve never been. I hear it’s pretty nice out there. Granted, it’s a little dark, and the whole lack of gravity thing is a little inconvenient, but come on. It’s space. People have wanted to live in space for eternity. It’s like the West Beverly Hills of the future.

6. Vancouver

I love Vancouver. What a great city. Fresh fruits and vegetables, good restaurants, nice weather. I’d rather be in Vancouver on any given weekend.


7. Iraqi Detainment Camp

Compared to sitting at home being bored out of my skull, I think I would rather be a detainee with pertinent information that people trained to inflict pain would be trying to get out of me. At least there I’ve got someone to talk to.

8. Europe

Sure it’s hot, expensive, and full of people that run around squawking like chickens with their heads cut off. But I’ve never really traveled Europe. I think mainly I’d like to go to Italy. Maybe do a French cooking class in Paris. Get trashed in Amsterdam. Okay, honestly, I just want to relive Eurotrip.

9. Antartica

Have you SEEN the weather in Dallas this weekend? Some ovens actually can heat up to that temperature. Standing rib roast? No problem. I’ll just put it in my backyard for a couple hours. Add a few strategically placed mirrors and you’ve got yourself a broiler.

10. Puerto Vallarta

White sand, blue water, and hotties from all over the world flock here. How do you say no? Just chillin on the beach, the sound of clinking Corona bottles served by a gorgeous Mexican girl named Elena reverberating through the air, and laughing away all the cares of the world with your friends.