For those of you who didn’t get me anything for my birthday and my subliminal messages are causing an inescapable amount of guilt for not doing so, you’re in luck. Second chances rarely come in life, so capitalize on this one while you can.

I will be accepting the following in lieu of last second gifts that you all procrastinated on (in order of preference):

1.  cash
2.  cashier’s checks
3.  Visa gift cards
4.  gift cards to stores I actually buy things from
5.  gift certificates to local upscale restaurants
6.  airline certificates
7.  mail-order brides